Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the judge

Bobzilla · Aug 1, 2006

What we did on our summer vacation
By;
Bobzilla, Brenden, and Shaggy4360

Where to start (and jump in anytime those of you who were there in case my memory is fading with the onset of sometimers)

Brenden met up at my house on thursday pm and we packed up some stuff and fed him a cold burger and off to bed it was. John shows up at like 4am and I am still stumbling around trying to find my pants and he is yelling " were wasting daylight. ITS STILL DARK OUT! Shaggy shows up and we finnish loading up two trucks and a trailer with all the junk we think we need for 6-10 days and in a cloud of bs were off

4 miles down the road I remember I forgot (sometimers) my COFFEE. First stop Winnamucca (the name says it all) for breakfast and some java. This is the first time I think some of us see Brenden eat, he has excellent manners but where does that small guy put it ? Burping and farting we are off in a cloud of bs

On hiway 95 north we next stop in Mcdermit Nevada. I've been here many times and have always been shocked and amazed at the selection of porn in this little wide spot in the road so as we pull up I warn Brenden since this is his first time .......................... Disappointment!!!!!!!!! new owner and not even a Maxim in site. I swear this place used to have any kind of sick stuff I would not even think of. Oh well cold drink and leg stretch and north on 95 into Or.

The main deal with Oregon is that they have such crappy roads they limit the speed to 55 in the middle of no where boring........no stops in this state for us

95 into Idaho and we are getting closer into Nampa and a stop for Costco to get the special stuff everybody wants or has to have. You know cookies bunns candy chips dip and BEER. Lots of MILF talent in Idaho ... it takes us twice as long to shop because we see many good sites. With strained necks and after running into stuff we head to the next stop, a regular grocery store so we can get the stuff we dont need in the megga size. Ok now we are ready to go one last stop for a bite and its now about 330

Up hiway 21 toward Idaho city we figure we will find someplace for a burger of something.....................WRONG BUCKO.............
backtrack 20 miles ( this would become a theme on our trip If I'm not wrong Brenden gave me a new name) and eat at a real sh*tty restaurant that the 15 yr old hash slinger with a 'tude didn't even want to bring water. Meal was so bad the rest of the trip is going to be great. Once again we are off on 21 in a cloud of....... what else?? BS

Turn on to the road to Atlanta next to the lake ( Lots of hotties out on the beach) Did I mention it was about 145 degrees out? going down the paved road I thought only 52 more miles cool, Shaggys XM sat radio jamming happy and cracking a cold beer.... Were so sssmmmooooth....
2 miles later we are on a one lane cliff side rocky road from hedoubletoothpicks............ faster you go the smother it gets but the switchbacks are kinda sketchy after meeting a loaded truck pulling a trailer... pull over for a undie change and were good to go but no John and Brenden. member them? cant wait around and besides there is no where to go but off the side and if they did that we are of no use anyway.....3 hours later we arrive at our "rustic cabin" in paradise.

John shows up and is PISSED............*^ %#&* rough road!!!!!!!! making our selfs at home we open the cabin and are afraid we are going to be blown sky high........ propane leak..... we can fix this..... shut it off and have a few beers air it out and try again.. sign says its the stove so we light up the fridge and the lights more beer and then nighty night.

More to follow... hopefully with some input from the others.

DaleEO · Aug 1, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

sounding good so far, keep it coming!!

fryguy · Aug 1, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

Who needs a maxim 'read' if your telling a tale, Bob?

Of course after spending some time with you, I would expect the there may actually be some truth to the "Maxim" lifestyle!!!! Live it large brother

fry

Bobzilla · Aug 2, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

I guess nobodys gonna step in so ........... the days may get mixed up but the order really dont matter

I am having a GREAT dream about wet single track under the trees and at the same time catching 5 lb wild trout and a cold beer is in my hand too...had to be a dream
all of a sudden the dream becomes a nightmare....some asshoe is running a diesel truck and blowing the horn...........next thing I know I am standing in the front of the cabin with my juniors in one hand and yelling "WTF are you doing John?"........I cant believe he is up dressed unloaded the bike and getting ready to go......... slow down Pappa we on vacation .......... gotta have coffee, muffins and what not . Shaggy is laughing at me ...... thinks its funny me standing there with wild hair and my juniors in my hand you know, and the quiet guy is just being Brenden. that is the most steady dude I know and the more I get to know him the more I like him and , I think, the more he is scared that he is mixed up with some crazy old wacko... well nobody ever said I was the sharpest tack in the box
we finally get our collective caca in one sack and head out on the trail... oh yeah it might be a good idea to look at the map huh huh huh eheheh....... what do ya think about this one guys? they look at me like I am nuts cause they expect ME to be the leader and take them to Idaho Nirvana ( dum sh*ts).......... all but Brenden know me way too well to really think this is a good thing, only bad can come of letting me make the choices.. they shudda known
We are looking for hot spring trail and I see a sign for hot creek trail and off we go up a pig trail. first mile.... loose, steep with a few rocks in and plenty of turns and let me tell you we are climbing....... somehow I biff a bit and run off the trail and no slack from these guys. I think they all roosted past and on up we went until.................... first tree...........we dont got no stinkin trees in the desert so it must have been a good laugh for anyone watching three old fat guys trying to hop over and of course Brenden, brap brap over and wondering what the big deal is, like I said steady. We would soon find out that we would either get good at tree crossing or go home. Several more trees and we come to Hot spring trail ...........well I guess they should have learned right then that I didnt know where I was going but they followed again.......... Ah yes this is what we came for... tight twisties on the side hill, in and out of the trees ,and the trail dont seem to have been ridden yet this year..... no tracks ( now when I was a cop we called this a clue) we are getting pretty good at the tree hop or bounce or get off and pick up the bike except for Brenden... you know brap brap ....." why you guys all sweaty and looking tired?" by now and only having to ask for help when our skirts are tangled up in the chain.. new obstacle............ wash out in the switch back..... yeah babby....... several of these and we are starting to get a good sweat going ...... did I tell you that yesterday it was like 135 ? today is just a tad hotter..... thank god I bobbled again and John and Neil passed they got to do the extra tree and then come to the BIG washout first and make the decision go? no go? vote was 4-0 no go so we do what all real men do .. turn around and look for shade. now Brenden is first me second and we help each other and let John and Neil fend for each other. We get to the bridge in the shade with a creek ( hot spring creek wtf?) that is not hot at all and Brenden learns the Bobzilla swamp cooler trick... take off the jersey and dip it in the cold creek and it feels like ICE water when you put it back on but he ain't sure abut doing it for himself ..YET Guess what we get to do now?... come on you gotta have it by now................ all the down trees again some are easier and some not bla bla finally back to the main road and we are off in a cloud of BS... most have headed back to camp but not me....... I still got find something fun for the boys right. Well I get my self into a bit of do do but decide to head back too and who do I run into................. IDAHO FISH AND GAME. thats a good thing to me since I used to do that and got my short trout hid hehehe
mister conservation officer is a wealth of info about the trails around here and even shows me one that he knows is cleared but it is a QUADTARD trail and not a REAL BIKE trail......... well we a bunch of sissys anyway so I says thanks and head for cold beer and maybe a nap either that or I am confused and we went to Atlanta ..... maybe somebody that knows can tell me
more later

ps
pics in gallery and more to come

Brendan · Aug 2, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

You are doing a great job, Bob! I can't story tell like that. Folks, little did I (we?) know that Sidetrack Bob (close cousin of Sideshow Bob, and also grand iatolla pooh-bah of all trail anarchy, mischief, and calamity), was just getting warmed up!! We hadn't seen anything yet! Instead of Godzilla in Tokyo, it was Bobzilla in the Boise National Forest! That's the kind of disaster scale I am trying to portray, here. lol.

Bobzilla · Aug 7, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

I must have thought I was at woodstock and smoked a fatty instead of going back to camp we went ....................... now where would 3 fat guys and a little dude with a hollow leg go? Lunch in Atlanta at the Beaver something......... No I didnt eat a beaver there but I did have $7 burger that was like the .59 Mickiedzzzzzzzzz.... lady looked a little pissed when I asked for a pitcher of ice water and no COKE . the fatty remember.........the price of gas here was $5/gallon and they wanted you to buy 5 gallons cause its such a pain to walk outside and turn on the pump. gotta love supply and demand!!!!!!!!!!!.
quite the crew in the Beaver place some dudes with their girls playing pool and swilling beer....... thats what I should have done dumped the bike and swilled. it would have been less painful.......... Did I mention it was about 135 f and the lady said I was wrong it was only 108 that day and of course no AC. ............ we finish up get all our sh*t on again and go outside and its now 2 pm . meet a tourist couple who ask us to take their pic and so we do and then they do for us too......... now John is wanting to play tourguide so he is going to show us around Atlanta so we start and I swear he is doing the slow bike race thing. we aint even going fast enough to balance.......... F this is HOT C YA BYE Im outta here in my small cloud of bs by my lonesome.............. do the swamp cooler thing in the river again and I'm smelling beer back at the camp..........get there and inhale 3-4 cold ones and the rest show up and we smell gas again WTF is up with this..... think the one gas lamp is leaking a bit so we light it and it burns real faint .......... got that fixed another frosty please..wrong bucko now the fire is burning behind the lamp in the wall,,,,,,,,,,,,, smoooooth move right. we rip the fixture off the wall and find that the valve didnt quite shut off the gas now we got it fixed and John has a GREAT IDEA.......... lets move a day early.... can you see where this is going??????? New place has a shower that would be nice so we go down and see and no one is home but we see the nice Mr game warden again and he says " never seen this place vacant on the weekend before guess they aint comming" were in like Flint........... move all our junck get situated beds made, food stored crap sperad everywhere and then.......................... you know dont ya???????????
the basta*ds show up .. Joph is ready to give them $100 bills to go away but they are cool and we take them to our old place and settle them in and all is good right????????? until.............
The dam lady comes back with her two vermin infested rug rats and tells us he husband forgot his beer and for compensation coud she have a few?????? OK but what does John, John who dont care what kind of cheap piss he drinks gives them??????????????????? No way he could have gave them some of the 20-30 cans of bud I brought for emergency or trading that I had left from the fathersday ride.........6 or 8 of my private reserve of Dos Eques........and the cold ones at that at least let them swill warm good beers..... Ill never forgive him for that indescreation........... at least he didnt give them a fatty or any limes hehehe................ few more frostys and we setteled in with visions of the quadtard trail that mister possum cop told us about even if it aint a real bike trail it will still be fun if not challenging................. got the drift so far????????
Come on Brewnden and Shaggy help me out ... or are you afraid to mislead this band of wackos down the sidetrack

shaggy4360 · Aug 8, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

well to continue on from there, I get back to camp becouse i'v been fishing and just having a great time to find out abought the beer for comp thing. No big deal right, wrong the more i look the more of my beer is missing, #$#%%^%&^ John oh well at least its a hot shower which is almost worth it. So next morning we're off like a herd of turtles, this trail ought to be great cop said so right, oh how very wrong we are. first parts not bad, rained the night before all nice and moist bushes keeping you cool from the dew. then we hit the creek. in 10 to 11 miles we must have crossed that #&$$#^*(*(^^**( creek 30 times and to make matters worse the trail that we're looking for that cuts off we can't find. so we get to where we think this cutoff should be and as we look at the map and the gps it looks like we missed it. good ol bob and the map [good piece of advice here don't let bob lead if it's not in nevada]. anyway theres another trail just up ahead so lets go that way. did i happen to mention the creek? well after another 5 crossings and more dips in the pond by others, not me hahahahahaha. we find out that the trail has been washed out by this winters runoff. :shock: guess what folks its back down the creek we go. more later have to go Neil

BendBerg · Aug 8, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

You guys had quite the adventure! This sounds very similar to an adventure we had at the St Anthony dunes in Idaho a few years ago, not all bad, just hotter than HELL, and located in a DRY county, over an hour drive just to get BEER! After that, we just went for whiskey..on the rocks of course. On the upside for you guys..you are all now experts at tree and creek crossings.

Bobzilla · Aug 9, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

I have a little bit different recollection of the events than Sir Shaggy.. Oh he was right about the start of the trail being moist with plenty of dew to keep us wet and cool until the trail departs from the creekbed quadtard type trail and goes straight up on a side hill that is so narrow you cant put your low side leg on the ground and the up side bar is bumping the dirt.... once again I, the fearless leader of my band of crazys is in front until........ boink . a big rock that almost pushes me off the trail and Steady dude gets by. cool I can key off him for a while.. btw where are John and Shaggy????? thell catch up cant go anywhere else anyway........ Mr Smooth , The B man is so smooth caues he is TRAILS RIDDING. sorry but I am fat and part blind and got no balance so I need the big MO mentum....... While Brenden is in front i try and stop and wait for a while and then go again and in 30 seconds I am on him again. trail drops down to the creek again and i see my spot to make the pass........... nope while siteseeing B is using ALL the trail and more....... finally get by and smooth sailing.... first creek crossing and I can see where the trail is on the other side and the bottom dont look too bad so . BLAST bounce off about 500 real round and slick rocks that are at least 18" tall , nearly go down but save it and wait on the other side with my . ..........CAMERA........ Yeah Babby....... know what happens when there is a camera... got some good shots and some suprised people on that one.... we all make it across and are starting to sweat a bit by now but it is a quadtart trail but in bad shape......... next 50 watter crossings are getting worse with falls and holes and cant see where the trail comes out and we are all walking our bikes ,......( someone elses was even ridden by me but will remain annonamos) we are all sucking water up our vents and the bikes are running crappy and we get to a point where the trail just dissapears even when we try and walk to find it......... we are only about a mile from where I want to get to to take a trail up to the top and back to camp .... it would have been a nice 30 mile loop . its a good thing we didnt try and forge ahead as we would find out later in the week....... we decide to turn tail and put on our dresses and frilly panties and head back.... 30 water crossings to go. running order is now Brenden ,Shaggy, John and me.... First water John drops the bike... dont start seems like the batt is dead but after pushing it out of the creek John cant even kick it over and i notice water spraying out the exuhast at the head.......... that cant be good but he says it never went under I call BS....... air filter out >>>>>>>sopping head pipe of Full of water........ spark plug out......even more water. you know the drill put it back together and starts first kick were outta here..... but with a more careful approach to the creeks now.. Catch B and S find another trail and of course its SIde track Bob lets try this one......... first 1/2 mile GREAT come to another BIG tree..... well only one so lets all hop over.. done and on the trail about 1/4 more mile and a slide took it away completely as far as we can see........ turn around and back to what we at the time thought was hell..little did we know then........... back at camp we are wet limp piles of sh*t..... really done so we sit in the shade drink beer and feel the sweat run down the rolls of our chins.. man it was hot and we were smoked like a fat joint at Woodstock.. but

we are having CHILI for dinner

Later dudes and dudetts

Brendan · Aug 12, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

Ah, yes, the Beaver joint. The place where I dropped the kids off at the beaver pond. The beaver joint had some odd folk coming in and out. There was great grandpa gabby hayes sitting over by the window towards the back, some interplanetary rotund ladies and their beanpole husbands, and then was the john deere hill billy couples. They looked as if they had stepped out of a jeff foxworthy comedy skit. Even the women dressed like redneck men. Very masculine. One guy has a dirty harry hand cannon in a holster, with the barrel stuck in his back pocket. 14" of big iron on his butt. Holy cow, what do you need something like that for? The owner then sees it, and asks for it to be handed over. It disappears behind the counter. We eat our burgers and nearly raw fries. Ding, fries are not done. Would you like an apple pie with that? The food tasted good anyways. I ate all of it, including the half pound of garlic on my burger. Yumm. We leave and have a tourist looking couple take our picture (see bobzilla's gallery), and we take theirs, I believe. Strange, he is carrying a gun also. Except his is a pea shooter .22 cal. cowboy revolver. I start to feel woefully inadequate, with just my swiss army knife.
We hop on the bikes, and John and I take a 5 mph tour around the sprawling metropolis of Atlanta, Idaho. We stop and watch a rather tame looking doe walk around someone's yard. She then decides to go in the shed and watch us like we were some freak show. John and I then proceed down the road, and a few houses down, John decides to stop and admire the fence they had built around their property with 5 foot high stacked cordwood. I start to suspect that john might be easily impressed. I look around to our right, across the street to the opposite house that looks like it has been abandoned, and all of the sudden, an uber freaky looking chester the molester, half naked man appears and menacingly stares at us out the window. He could of been in his full birthday suit for all I know, but fortunately only half the door has glass. I hope I am grossing someone out with this imagery. I say, "Hey John, look!" But the man has disappeared, so we continue on past some more derelict houses.
We cruise all the way down the road, pass a woman quadtard, some trucks, till we come across Bob chatting with Barney Fife, a fellow dunkin' donut connoisseur, the local game warden. We ask about good trails and all that other happy crappy dirt bike stuff. After the intel trail briefing, we head back to the cabins.
Shaggy is there, working on his bike. Someone says something reflecting on his chronic lack of mechanical skills, so I meander over to see what the man who supposedly couldn't fix a broken toothpick with all the super glue in the world, is up to. Hmm... not to exciting, so I return back to the porch, the last refuge for all those who cannot run with the big dogs. To make part of a long story short, we then partially pack up and load up the trucks to move over to the new cabin, ahead of schedule. What a near disaster what was. Little did we know, it was just a precursor for our own armegeddon, that somehow was supposed to be a vacation. It turns out that the rightful tenants showed up, once we were all settled in. No one uses my preplanned idea of convincing them that the other cabin was theirs (both cabins had the same basic name, easy mistake, right?), and the front office must of just given them the wrong combo. We could of told them that the reservation office must be a bunch of incompetent buffoons, so here, try our combo. Instead we would tell them the right one for the other cabin, they would try it, be relieved and happy, and be none the wiser! But, nope, Honest John and Sponge Bob basically come clean, and it ends up feeling like a confessional with a catholic priest.
The lady later returns on their quad, with her rug rats. She starts to talk about the compensation that John mentioned earlier. My heart sinks. Oh, no, I don't want to shell out more money!! Greedy capitalist bums, everyone always wants money!! But, to my immense relief, she wants a beer for her cranky husband. Hallelujah! What luck! There's tons of the stuff! It is practically coming out our ears! We can buy her off easily. The situation kind of reminds me of the white men buying Manhattan from the local natives, for some glass beads (supposedly). John scampers off and collects a half box of beers and we give them to her. She protests and attempts to push them away, wanting only one, maybe two to pacify her grouchy husband since he forgot their beer. But we pooh pooh the idea, and butter her up by telling her how big of a favor she has done for us. I tell her that she should take all of the devil's elixir, and drown themselves in a den of iniquity. Well... I didn't actually mention the second part, but I thought it. lol. So, I take the box and while she is still protesting, I use the bungee cord to fasten the container to her front rack. Upon doing so, one of the flaps pops open, and I notice Bob's precious liquid gold, the dos equis bottles in there. I have a flashback to Bob's earlier boisterous, angry man tirade, complaining on how everyone seems to be drinking his beer, so why don't you leeching slackers go get your own. I then mention to John, "Won't Bob have a cow of pregnant proportions when he finds out about this?" "Ah, don't worry about it, he won't notice..." comes the reply. John then makes eye contact and I understand the virtual bloodpact oath of silence I must undertake, so I keep meek and silent on the matter. I invite the lady and her family to some have some of bob's infamous chili, that it will the best she has ever tasted, and how it has the miraculous ability to put meat on one's bones, and build an inferno in one's bunghole. I try to convince her that it would be much more beneficial and rewarding than booze, but she doesn't buy it, and hastily departs on her quadtard chariot. So much for my failed attempt to resurrect prohibition. As you can guess, somehow bob finds out about his missing booZe, and has a cow of pregnant proportions. No need for the psychic friends network for that one.

...maybe more later.

shaggy4360 · Aug 14, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

boy i must have been sleeping since i seemed to have missed alot of this

ohh thats right i was fishing and having a grand time, then i find out about the beer!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

shaggy4360 · Aug 14, 2006

Re: Summer vacation, Adventure or trip to Hades you be the j

bob and brandon you have need to check out the lighter side video on how to cross logs, does it remind you of something?

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