Hi Gaunty, what you need to do is chop the top of the bike off with a steel saw, drain the petrol first, then using an axe smash the rocker covers off carefully, if the valves are too tight then lever the rocker arms up with a massive crow bar, if they are too lose whack the top of the valves with the biggest hammer you have in your garage.
Bobs your uncle.
That should slow you down a bit on Sunday!