Oh man. Hey, FE350, SunnyRSA is a good guy for sure. So now we're shooting each other. Let's not do that.
So I don't know what to do. It frustrates me to no end that the person I see with certainty to be the aggressor - again and again - that person gets objections from only a few people. But then when someone naturally reacts to that initiated aggression, 5 times more people tell the victim to stop reacting.
Admittedly, FE350, your reaction has gone too far. Let's rein this in. I'm with you in spirit but the medicine is too strong - it's polluting what we are trying to preserve.
In a way it's kind of understandable that FE350 gets more pushback because Taffy's attacks happen in-thread and are kind of hidden in the forum flow, and are spread out against a number of users.
FE350's response now has a bigger surface area and is more noticeable - and has gone too far in my opinion - but besides that it's not surprising that FE350 seems to be the reason, just because his head sticks out further.
One of the main reasons why I have a hard time ignoring Taffy's attacks is that he deliberately tries to isolate people socially and "cut them off from the herd" if he perceives his small boat to be rocked. Yes, deliberately - it may be subconscious or consciously done, but it's deliberate. He does it slyly - Rebukes newcomers aggressively and tries to paint a picture of himself as an authority. To me it comes across as trying to assert mindshare, behavior which originates in a fragile, very hungry and unchecked ego.
So what should we do then? What can we do?
There are two aspects - The message to the victim, and the message to the aggressor:
- As an example: When Taffy attacks a newcomer, in my opinion we need to get some kind of message to them. What can that message be? That they should just ignore him and not respond? I don't think we can just ignore everything and leave people to fend for themselves.
- Do we PM the victim? That seems so weird to me. I know it's happened a few times that people post a question thread. Taffy comes banging pots and pans. User gets a PM. It's just such a weird dissonance. Broken family behavior. Uncle's drunk and smashing the kitchen, and we're whispering to the guests that they should pretend not to see it! Just don't respond! He's just a bit tired! He's got a headache!
- Do we respond in-thread? That tends to go out of control, and derails/pollutes the thread.
- Do we respond off-thread in a "bad behavior" thread? Some kind of meta-discussion thread? At least it's bad to have many threads on the bad behavior of one user / the fight of two persons. Maybe one big thread in the offtopic forum?
So a proposed solution: If we see something that violates our sense of ethics and basic decent behavior, we post about it in a dedicated lets-work-things-out/venting thread and PM the victim to ask them to check there?
- Then there's the message to the aggressor. They need to be told to stop. I'm fairly sure that Taffy just doesn't respond to messages asking him to stop. Or ... It's against my intuition to just completely ignore aggressive out-of-bounds behavior. Does anyone have a story where aggression on a forum was just solved by ignoring bad behavior? I'm not asking cynically, I mean it. So what is the message to the aggressor? And how can we deliver it? We can tell, we can ask, and then we can punish.
At any rate let's try to keep the topics clean. I know I've said this before and I know I've broken that rule and said I was sorry and that I would stop. I'll try my best again. Just like I tried and tried and tried again to quit smoking until it stuck. Let's try again and again to get this train back on the tracks, learn something from this, and stick together OK?