What? Canadians? They don't have the slightest clue we make

we make fun of them...


Jokes for Canadians...
CANADIAN JOKE # 1

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona ." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one..

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Molson Canadian sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?"

The Molson Canadian president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

CANADIAN JOKE #2

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

CANADIAN JOKE #3

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"

"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie.."

He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain.

He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."

The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

CANADIAN JOKE #4

Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia ?

The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

CANADIAN JOKE #5

In Canada , we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

CANADIAN JOKE #6

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU *******!!!"

CANADIAN JOKE #7

A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.

CANADIAN JOKE #8

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

:greenjumpers:

:lol: :lol: :lol: ...oh...er..I mean... :angry:

So Risky, when did you move from Newfoundland?

Be careful who you make fun of in public risky.You just never know.... 8O




http://www.ifilm.com/video/2810497

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1RrncVgLFY

Eh!

Question: What do you tell a smart a_ _ Yank with two black eyes?
Answer: nothing you told him twice already :lol:

Love the work Risky, :lol: Normally down here it's an aussie, a pom & an Irishman but it all translates no matter where ya from.

wildman said:

Love the work Risky, :lol: Normally down here it's an aussie, a pom & an Irishman but it all translates no matter where ya from.

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Haha. Over here it normally is a Swede, a dane and a norwegian (where the norwegian is the not-above-average-smartness guy).
This is kind of strange since most of us like norwegians better than the danes 'cause we can understand norwegian pretty well but almost never danish... I guess it has some sort of historical explanation that I don't know of.

when i were a lad (reminise at this point) we told jokes of the irish and i believe the americans told jokes of the poles or poll -ocks as they like to call them. my friend mike yurkanon could sure tell em!





about himself!

regards

Taffy

The Newfies tend to get their fair share of ribbin, here in western Canada, half or more of the province is here. But guys like Nsman and other maritimers really get their dander in a fluff when they get called a newfy. A little maritime rivalry there as well guys?

Oddly enough, Newfie is a derogatory term for some but having said that, they are the nicest and most helpful people in the world.

fryguy said:

The Newfies tend to get their fair share of ribbin, here in western Canada, half or more of the province is here. But guys like Nsman and other maritimers really get their dander in a fluff when they get called a newfy. A little maritime rivalry there as well guys?

Click to expand...

I am not sure about the rivalry,but most of us maritimers are proud of our heritage.
The newfoundlanders are great people and one of these days I am going to really try and learn their language. :twisted:
FWIW.. When David Knight found out Coffin and I where from the Maritimes first thing he wanted to know was how far we were from Newfoundland...seems he fancies a Newfoundland dog .

Over here in East Mesa we make fun of the people from Apache Junction. You can't get more local than that.

Newfies

Hey, Kelsow.....
Check this -
"From 1967 to 1971, the USCG cutter Castle Rock, an ex-WWII seaplane tender, was stationed at Portland, Maine, with the same duties as during the years at Boston. On 22 and 23 February 1967, she rescued eight from the sinking F/V Maureen and Michael 90 miles southwest of Cape Race."
I was on the Castle Rock at the time. We had been on a 30 day O.S. Charlie or Bravo "cruise", got called to help. One of our gunners mates, Bill Pettek, was a rescue swimmer, spent about an hour in the water swimming a haul-line over in 8-12' seas and high wind. We got all the crew off ok, no injuries, just wet (newfie-normal!). I spent most of the evolution on a catwalk with an M-1 Garand on shark watch. Ended up with a newfie Sou'wester hat, all tarred up. worked great in the rain!
A few weeks later we heard speculatory remarks about the M&M being an insurance job. :roll:

RE: Newfies

Is there something specific with 'newfie' or do they just not like the shortened name? In my opinion, all people are good, with a 10% allowance for undesirables. I've known quite a few from the rock since I was a kid, all great people.

RE: Newfies

hey guys hope no one took offence, I was just poking a little fun at the canuks... hell, I wouldn't know a newfie from a guy from ******, or ragina or what ever the hell the name of that place my prother in law is from...

course at the current rate i am working, I would'nt no a ****** either...

course according to the below account, you newfies have some balls to stand up to the US NAVY...

Canada VS United States
This is an actual radio conversation between a United States Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast off Newfoundland in October 1995. (The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 as authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

CANADIANS:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS:
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS:
No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS:
This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. The second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course15 degrees north...
I say again...That's one-five degrees north.... or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!

CANADIANS:
We are a lighthouse. Your call

fryguy said:

The Newfies tend to get their fair share of ribbin, here in western Canada, half or more of the province is here. But guys like Nsman and other maritimers really get their dander in a fluff when they get called a newfy. A little maritime rivalry there as well guys?

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For some reason to most prarie oyster eating( )westerners,all maritimers are "newfs"-just ask Ryan Lockhart.FWIW,it's a well known fact that all Newfoundlanders are nothing but Nova Scotian boat people 8O .They are generally a great bunch until you have to work with them year after year-eventually you get tired of hearing how "Newf" is the best place on earth.When asked why they're all elswhere then,the usual reply is "no work 'dere bye"which makes it a good place to retire or visit but not to live.

Way back when I lived in southern Ontario it was all Pakistani or French jokes.

Don't worry about offending anyone Risky,we laugh at ourselves more than anyone-too funny-keep it coming.Go easy on the French though-they seem to be easily offended-likely something to do with the brown pants thing :lol:

RE: Newfies

No Offence taken Risky1,I find it all rather entertaining.
Fry..to understand the origin/meaning of the term "newfie" it helps to quickly look at the history of Newfoundland.
Most of the migration was during the war of 1812 when there was a large demand for salt fish for the troops of europe.Most were of Irish decent.The last part of the 18th century was very good to newfoundland as they continued to develop the then very profitable fishing and seal industry.It is said the in the days before the great war that there were more millionares per capita in St Johns than any other city in north america.When most cities in north America were horses and wagons St.Johns had electric lights and tram cars.
As Newfoundland was a totally separate country from Canada untill 1949 they also had there own government,very tied to and modeled after Britian.During the 1st war Newfoundland was asked by Britian to heavily borrow on the public assets to help support the war effort.The government did this without question.It also was proud to send a complete generation of its best and brightest as soldiers.Unfortunatly the newfoundland troops suffered a very high percentage of casualties and most never returned.ALso after the war Britian was unable/unwilling to assist with the severe financial difficulties facing newfoundland due to the war effort.
The second war was the knockout punch in many respects,Newfoundland was again asked and responded with its remaining assets and the next generation of its best and brightest.
In 1949 Joey Smallwood convinced the majority of newfoundlanders that their only option against complete financial collapse was to enter the confederation of Canada,against much desent this was accomplised.
In the early 1970s the canadian govt in Ottawa gave the province of newfoundland the last kick when they watched as the foreign fishing factory ships were allowed unchallenged to overfish the grand banks untill the cod stocks were all but gone.In 1977 canada announced a 200 mile limit which was too little and too late to save the newfoundland fishery.
The term "Newfie" is generally accepted to come from the Americans who were based there during WW11.
It refers to the way that many things were done in newfoundland, simply that things were done as best they could with no resources,financial or otherwise.The train was coined the "newfie bullit" as it was slow and worn out.
With many older Newfoundlanders the term is not one they like to hear,the younger generation has moved on in many respects and its holds little significnace except a slang word for newfoundlander...

They are proud of their rock. A local town has all sorts of ethnic people, something like 53 different dialects, Sudanese, all sorts of African immagrants etc, 1/3 of the vehicles in town have decals of the rock on teh back window. Here in redneck Southern Alta, that takes balls, but, then apparently they don't lack them either.

LMAO Risky.......

I'm taking my family east in a year or two, so a couple of you maritimers are getting a call in


did I mention ILMAO